I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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