is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
