I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
you had me at cake vodka
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
did i just pee glitter
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
