Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
