I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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