its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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