just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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