HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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