NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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