Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
