So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
