I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
