"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
