Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
