Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
