All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize