matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
