She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
