Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
She said her name was "party"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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