I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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