This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
