having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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