If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
