FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
