i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
