never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
