I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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