Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
