Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
