when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
