Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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