i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
