I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just want nice things and good sex
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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