she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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