his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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