So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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