Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
