dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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