YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
