I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
