I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
