Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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