K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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