I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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