my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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