I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
