My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
