Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
