It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
