Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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