dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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