If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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