Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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