My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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