Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
