He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
