i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
God gave him joint rollers for hands
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
