My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
