So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
