Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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