she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
