Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
