I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
