Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
